Trying to do good, but find myself slipping. Seeking advice.

I honestly don't know where to start. It's been 2 years now that ive been a practicing muslimah alhamdulillah. I wasn't always stable though...I had my ups and downs. I am engaged to a wonderful and pious man. So everything seemed to be alright...but now I feel like everything is collapsing.

Question

As salaam alaikum,

Dear brother/sister,

I honestly don’t know where to start. It’s been 2 years now that ive been a practicing muslimah alhamdulillah. I wasn’t always stable though…I had my ups and downs. I am engaged to a wonderful and pious man. So everything seemed to be alright…but now I feel like everything is collapsing. Ive waited for 3 years to do the study Ive always wanted to do. They finally accepted me and this is my first year. But things are not going wel with my study..I feel like Im not going to make it this year and that wil be another year spent. Plus..i have no other choice after this..no way out. So thats really making me depressed at the moment.

Also..I want to wear the hijab asap but my parents won’t let me. I tried to wear it a year ago but they wouldnt let me…it was impossible at that moment. And lets not even mention my health…Ive been soo sick lately…everything hurts, my whole body..I feel so weak..I have a lot of health problems lately.

And my husband (I dont live with him yet) expects a lot from me. He has always been a faithful and pious man…he doesnt miss any prayer…he reads a lot..he knows a lot about islam. But me…I am a failure..i truly am. It’s been a month now that I havent been praying…I had a study loan because I couldnt pay my study..I dont read, I dont practice so often. And I have the feeling that because of my behaviour towards the Lord…I am in this position now. I am losing a lot..and I dont know how to handle it cause problems are just about to start. I am sure that when my parents find out that I am gonna wear the hijab and dont want a wedding party, they will make things very difficult for me.

People keep telling me…make dua..do the prayer..those things I already know…thats not what I want to know. I want to know how I can get out of this position and how I can increase my imaan…cause thats where all the problems start I guess.

I know this story is too long…I just hope someone can at least give me some good advice for I have no friends and can’t be honest about this to my husband.

I am looking forward to an answer.

jazakallah khair.

 

Answered by Umm Yusuf Abdul Sattar
Verified by Mufti Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf

 

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullah. We pray that this finds you in the best of spirits, by the Grace of Allah, Most Exalted.

You’ve brought up a number of issues that you are dealing with. As Muslims, we know that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) tests us in many ways, whether it is through our finances, our health, or our interpersonal relationships. At the heart of the matter is iman. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Iman wears out in the heart of any one of you just as clothes wear out, so ask Allah to renew the faith in your hearts.” [Al-Hakim] Our Beloved Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) also said, “Renew your faith.” He was asked, “Messenger of Allah, how do we renew our faith?” He replied, “Say often: ‘There is no god but Allah.’” [Ahmad & at-Tabarani]

Unfortunately, when it comes to iman, there are no shortcuts. You cannot increase your iman by bypassing the integrals of Islam, such as the prayer and the remembrance of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). In reality, iman is maintained and strengthened by the outward forms of worship, and in turn, iman and Islam become the foundation of ihsan. Alhamdulillah, your recognizing the need to bring your life more in line with the teachings of Islam, and your seeking assistance are indications that the seed of iman is within your heart. However, as is the case with any seed, it must be nurtured, so it can grow and flourish.

Remember, the arsenal of a Muslim is comprised of many tools, the most important of which is the salat (the five daily prayers performed in their prescribed times) and the remembrance of Allah, whether it is through dua, dhikr or reading Qur’an.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says in Surah Al-Ankabut, “(Muhammad), recite to them what has been revealed to you in the Book and be steadfast in prayer; prayer keeps one away from indecency and evil. It is the greatest act of worshipping God. God knows what you do.” [Verse 45] And Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) says in Surah Ar-Ra’d, “Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!” [Verse 28]

We would also encourage you to exert effort in these areas, as they will help you complete your daily acts of ibadat, and in turn help you strengthen your iman. These are recommendations and keep in mind that you can work toward them slowly. Our Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “The most beloved actions to Allah are those which are regular/consistent, even if they be few.” [Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim]

  • Increase your knowledge of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), His Names, His Attributes, His Prophet, and His Book.
  • Attend a regular class at your local masjid. Having a sound understanding of your religion is imperative to strengthening your iman.
  • Increase your good deeds and voluntary worship, as they are a means of drawing closer to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). This could include voluntary fasting or prayers.
  • Surround yourself with good company; this will be a positive outlet in your life and increase the likelihood of your performing good acts and avoiding sinful behavior.
  • Turn to someone in your community who is knowledgeable in matters of the heart. They will be able to advise you on sound ways of strengthening your iman through dhikr and istighfaar. We would recommend http://www.islamicspirituality.org/

Insha’Allah, once you give the prescribed, obligatory acts their due importance and recognize their role as stepping stones in increasing your iman, you will see things fall into place. The other issues you mentioned, such as wearing hijab or being honest with your husband about your ups and downs, will become easier to confront and overcome. Lastly, we recommend seeing a qualified physician to help you positively deal with your medical issues. A sound body goes a long way toward a sound heart and mind.

Answered by

Umm Yusuf Abdul Sattar

 

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